


The Snowball Effect

by HoneyBeeez



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: ALSO i think abe would be very very bad at history while mihashi would enjoy it, AceAro!Abe, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, BASICALLY JUST HIM RAMBLING OH GOODNESS, M/M, Mihashi's POV, Phone Calls, Tajima The Enabler, because its practically canon okay? it works, but im sorry if i wrote it wrong??, slip ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-14 21:22:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5759323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyBeeez/pseuds/HoneyBeeez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little things are just that, LITTLE... right until that little thing leads to the next one, then the next one, and then you realize that the little thing isn't so little anymore.<br/>...<br/>Or 'Mihashi finds himself in a situation he wouldn't be in if he just woke up on time!'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I really wanted to write something in Mihashi's perspective, because I felt like it would be AWESOME!! and i totally butchered it. Oh well! I tried!

The first thing I heard was my alarm blaring in my ears. I opened up my eyes groggily, looking for the source of the noise even though I knew it was on my nightstand like it always is. I lifted my hand ( _ugh, too much effort_ ) and slammed it down, pressing the button and stopping the shrill noise from assaulting my ears. I closed my eyes and pretended I was falling back to sleep.

_Abe-kun was right, I should have fallen asleep early last night. I’m so tired…_

Just think about Abe-kun made me wake up almost instantly.  _Oh no, he’s going to kill me because I didn’t get enough sleep…._ I disentangled myself from my blankets (which was no small feat, since I nearly fell twice) and got dressed as fast as I could. I was still tired though, and I put my shirt on backwards, got stuck while trying to take it off, and put my shoes on the wrong feet.

Okay, I didn’t really know if it was because I was tired or because I was still thinking of Abe-kun, but that’s beside the point.

“Well, finally you’re up, Ren,” Mom said brightly, too bright for this early in the morning. “I thought I would’ve needed to wake you up again," she said, giggling a little.

“Nope, I’m up,” I said.

“Here, you need me to make you something for break-?” She said, and I looked to the clock on the wall, jumping in shock at the time.

“No, that’s fine! I gotta go!” I said, grabbing my backpack hurriedly and swinging it over my shoulders as I ran out the front door. I barely heard Mom’s quiet “Oh… alright then…” as I left.

I got on my bike and started on my way to school. We didn’t have practice in the morning, not today, because Momoe-kan wouldn’t be there since she had some kind of appointment to go to, but Abe-kun…

He called me last night. _He actually called me!_ He told me that everyone was going to meet up in the morning and have a study session in one of the classrooms, because, well, we desperately needed it and Nishihiro-kun didn’t mind using his brain that early in the morning. So, all in all, it seemed pretty perfect, and Abe-kun called me to tell me about it. He also told me to not pitch until after school’s practice and to sleep well and-

And to weigh myself before I ate breakfast in the morning.

_I FORGOT. Abe-kun’s going to be so mad, and then he’ll yell and then we won’t get any studying done at all and…_

I know I was breathing a bit harsher than I should have, and so I tried to calm myself down as best I could. _I could just lie to Abe-kun, right?_ No, no, that was wrong, and I probably wouldn’t be able to look into his eyes if I lied and that’ll only tip him off that I was lying. _Maybe he won’t bring it up?_ Sometimes he forgets to ask, so today might just be one of those days. And besides, I can just eat l-

Lunch. I was in such a rush that I forgot my lunch.

_Is it too late to turn back around?_

Yes, it is, the school building is right up the road.

_Oh no…_

* * *

 

“Oi, Mihashi!” Abe-kun shouts as I walk into the room. I jump, because his voice is almost like thunder and he only gets that voice when he’s angry or upset or worried or… actually, he almost always sounds like that. But it still scares me.

“Well, you don’t need to yell at him!” I heard Tajima-kun chastise, bouncing up towards me and flinging an arm around my shoulders. I smile a little at the contact, because Tajima-kun was always so energetic and he always stood up for me (even though I didn’t need to be stood up for, because Abe-kun didn’t mean to scare me, at least that’s what I think, anyways). “Mihashiiiii~” Tajima-kun whines, leaning on me and making me stumble a bit. “My brain hurts~”

“We haven’t even started studying yet!” Hanai-kun said, scoffing and looking at everyone else incredulously.

“But it still hurts!” Tajima-kun practically wailed, and I ducked out from under his arm just as he withdrew it so he could properly argue with Hanai-kun. I smiled at them, just a little, as they continued bickering until Suyama-kun stepped in between them and tried to calm them both down. I made my way over and sat myself in front of Abe-kun and Sakaeguchi-kun, who were talking about something or other before I decided to sit down.

“Hey Mihashi,” Sakaeguchi-kun chirped, smiling at me.

“M-Morning,” I said, looking up at him and glancing at Abe-kun worriedly before busying myself with my backpack and getting out my notebook. It caught on one of my binders, and then the zipper on my backpack, and I was wrestling with it for a minute before a hand materialized out of nowhere, snatching the notebook with ease and smacking it down onto the desk. I looked up, and Abe-kun’s hand was the one on my notebook, and his grey eyes bore right through me.

I felt like he could see through me, like I was a piece of glass or something, like he knew everything about me. Which was impossible, I knew it, but the way his eyes were just… fixated, like I was the only thing in the universe, it was scary. I felt my bones go to Jell-O and then a sudden panic ran through me because _if he could see right through me, does he know that I didn’t eat breakfast?? Does he know that I forgot my lunch??_ I better say something before he thinks I’m holding back!

“T-T-Th-Th-Thanks… A-Abe-kun…” I stuttered, the words sounding so much better in my mind, but it was like I was unable to say them without my voice shaking. I looked down at my notebook, unable to look up at Abe-kun, because he was probably upset at me for not being able to get my notebook out on my own and _did he see in my backpack? Did he see that I forgot my lunch?_

“Mihashi!” Someone said, and I didn’t even need to look up in order to know that it was Abe-kun. Who else would say my name like that? I found myself looking up at him even though I really didn’t want to. “I asked you if you guys had a test tomorrow," he said, sounding a bit calmer now. My eyes flicked to Sakaeguchi-kun, silently asking him why he couldn’t have just answered him for me. We were in the same class after all.

“Y-Yeah…” I answered, finally getting the words out of my mouth. “There’s…. there’s… English and… and math… Tomorrow…” I pressed my fingertips together and flinched at the sigh my answer got from Abe-kun. I looked up, only to see him digging through his backpack.

“If you told me you had tests earlier, I could have helped you a lot more," he was saying, but I wasn’t listening all that much. It was easier to look at Abe-kun when he wasn’t looking back. His hair still looked messy, probably because he didn’t wake up too long ago. His eyes were latched onto his backpack and his working fingers, where he was leafing through the organized mess inside (I could see that much). His white shirt wasn’t buttoned up, showing off the back tee he had on under it and the way it was hiked up over his hip since he was leaning over and-

I let out a high-pitched sound as Abe-kun’s hand came up and smacked one notebook onto the table loudly before sitting forward again, another notebook in his other hand. He gave me a confused glance, probably because of the sound I made. I didn’t even realize that I was still staring at him until he started talking again.

“But I guess going over the basics right now will be more help than none,” Abe-kun said, and I jumped, blinking rapidly and decided to look down at his notebooks instead.

“I’m going to go ask Nishihiro if he can explain this one theorem a little better…” Sakaeguchi-kun said, glancing at me and then Abe-kun before grabbing his things and moving over to Nishihiro-kun.

“Do you know what’s on your test?” Abe-kun asked me, giving me an expectant look. I opened my mouth to answer him, but I couldn’t make any sound. It was like I couldn’t breathe. I shook my head a bit, avoiding his gaze. I guess that was wrong, because- “What do you mean you don’t know?! It’s your class!” Abe-kun yelled.

I flailed, snatching up my notebook and opening it quickly, flipping through it hurriedly as my fingers shook, sneaking glances at Abe-kun over the top of the pages. He had his face in his hands and it looked like his eyebrows were knitted together. _I made him mad_ … I tried not to think as I finally came to the page I was looking for, the one that had some specific notes on it… and the one that I hadn’t bothered to look at since I wrote them down. I pushed the notebook across the table towards Abe-kun. He looked up, and blinked a little, like he wasn’t expecting my notebook right in front of him and-

“Oh. Thanks, Mihashi,” Abe-kun said, a weird twinge in his voice that I couldn’t make out. I nodded, unable to say anything and I decided to look at the table instead of looking at him as he scanned through my sloppy notes. “Okay, this doesn’t seem too- MIHASHI, LOOK AT ME! I’M NOT MAD!” He exploded, and I immediately looked at him, my breath coming uneasy and I could barely meet his eyes for a second, so I dropped my gaze to his lips instead. His mouth was quirked into a small frown that looked like it was forced so he couldn’t yell at me some more.

“I-I-I…” I started saying, not knowing what I was about to say, but feeling like I needed to say something, _anything_ , in order to show Abe-kun that I wasn’t as useless as he thought I was (because let’s admit it, I was useless; I didn’t know what was on my test, and I could barely take decent notes and I forget to do the simple things he asks me to like weigh myself and eat breakfast and-)

“Geez, there’s no need to yell, Abe, calm the fuck down,” Izumi-kun said, sounding irritated as he looked over at us from his spot next to Mizutani-kun and Oki-kun.

“Yeah, if you’re bullying Mihashi, I might just have to take you outside!” Tajima-kun said, giving Abe-kun a fierce look.

“He’s n-not bullying me!” I said, turning around and looking at Tajima-kun. He blinked, giving me a confused glance, almost like he expected me to continue. I didn’t know how. “I only- It’s just-!” I tried to explain, but the words wouldn’t- _couldn’t_ \- come out right. I was glad that Tajima-kun got what I was saying though, because his confused expression dropped, and he was smiling instantly after that.

“Okay, okay, fine! I get it!” He said, absolutely beaming. I nodded at him. “But I’m just saying! Don’t yell at him, Abe! You don’t need to be so mean!” Tajima-kun said, shifting his gaze to Abe-kun and pointing his finger at him.

Everything slipped back to normal after that. Everyone else worked on what they needed to be doing as Abe-kun coached me through a couple phrases of English for my test. I figured out that his class was about a week or two ahead of mine, so he knew everything already. He stopped me most of the time when I tried to say a sentence, sliding his neat notebook in my direction and pointing out what I said wrong. I never understood anything when I wrote it down myself, but when Abe-kun explained it, it was crystal clear and it _stuck_.

After a couple more corrections and awkwardly stuttering a handful of English words, Abe-kun said that if I remembered everything we went over, I would pass. I only nodded at him, knowing that I couldn’t possibly remember everything, but I could try, because remembering Abe’s voice in my head was much easier than trying to remember my teacher’s. I didn’t say that, though, I couldn’t.

We shifted to math, which was much better for the both of us, but it was worse at the same time. Abe-kun came around to sit next to me so he could see how I answered my homework questions. My shoulders hiked up without me even realizing it, and I leaned over my paper so much that Abe-kun nudged my shoulder and muttered, “Calm down, it’s not like I’m going to eat you,” while grabbing my shoulders (a lot gentler than I expected him to) and straightening me out. My shoulders slumped when his hands slide off them, and my handwriting got progressively worse as Abe-kun looked on. He corrected me with math much more than he did with English, but we finally got through everything.

“Do you need help with anything else?” He asked, looking at me. I shook my head, because I was pretty certain that all my other classes didn’t have tests. Or at least I think they didn’t. “Alright,” Abe-kun sighed heavily, moving back to the other side of the table, and to his backpack, and as he sat down he pulled out another notebook. He let out a groan that I barely heard when he cracked open his notes and flipped through the pages.

I blinked at him, freezing in place, because I didn’t know what he was doing. Was he… was he studying too?! I thought that Abe-kun was so amazing that he needed to study! Wait, no that was Nishihiro-kun, but I thought Abe-kun knew everything! No, no, I needed to stop thinking about that because Abe-kun still needed to study and do well in school, no matter how amazing he is. I dropped my gaze from his almost discouraged face, and looked at his notebook, trying to figure out what he was studying, but there was no way I could read upside down.

“W-What… are, um… What…?” I tried to ask, but it was like the words refused to come to my mouth. This is impossible! I can’t even ask him something without having the words jumble up in my throat. No, but I couldn’t give up. My fingers found the front of my shirt and tugged at it. “What a-are y-?”

“WHAT IS IT?” Abe-kun said, not quite yelling but not quite talking calmly, either. I flinched at his voice, not knowing if he sounded irritated because of me or because of what he was studying, and I finally brought myself to look at his shoulder. Looking into his eyes seemed a little bit too much.

“What… are you d-doing?” I asked, and this time there wasn’t nearly as much stuttering as before. I was oddly pleased at that.

“History,” Abe-kun said, sounding upset. I couldn’t tell what he was upset about, but I knew he was upset and I knew that he was looking at his notebook’s pages almost like he would set them on fire in the next two seconds.

“O-Oh?” I asked, cautiously interested. Did he not like history? I would have thought that he was good at it. I mean, it was easy, and he memorized sheets of data for baseball, it should be easy to remember a couple dates here and there and some people’s names. I was so lost in thought as to why Abe-kun wouldn’t like history to notice that he just gave a noncommittal grunt in response to my not-really-a-question question. “Do y-you need…?” I started asking, but my stutter was back and I was angry at myself and I really needed to calm down so I could say something before he got mad again and-

“Do I need help?” Abe-kun supplied, looking up at me again with those grey eyes as if I was the only thing in the world that mattered. Maybe he only looked at me like that because he really didn’t want to look at his history notebook. But the room was so loud and the rest of the team was there, too, so he could have looked at anyone else, and yet he was looking at me and- he asked a question. I nodded quickly, hoping that I wasn’t lost in thought too much for him to think that I was hesitating or something like that. “Hell yeah, I need help,” Abe-kun said shortly, glancing back down at his history notebook almost in disgust. “History’s stupid," he muttered.

I couldn’t help but smile for a split second before wiping the silly grin off my face. This time I was the one to help Abe-kun out, and not the other way around! I can be useful to Abe-kun, I could help him, he would be relying on me for help and- okay stop thinking. Abe-kun needs help with history and making weirdly happy noises is not helping any situation.

So, I took out my history notebook. My notes were all over the place, and it was sort of difficult to follow, but I knew how they went and I shuffled my way over to Abe-kun’s side before nudging both of our notebooks together.

“Okay…” I said, taking a deep breath and calming myself down before I explained this chapter as best as I could to my catcher.

* * *

 

My stomach growled, and I looked down at it. _Stupid stomach, I know I’m hungry, there’s no need to let everyone else know about it_. I slumped forward, burying my head in my arms on the desk. It wouldn’t be that bad, because all I would have to do is wait until practice to get some food. We always take breaks right in the middle of practice so we can get some snacks Shinooka-chan made for us. But that meant going halfway through practice with an empty stomach, and that was plenty enough time for Abe-kun to see that I’m extra nervous today, or for him to ask me how much I weighed this morning, or for him to find out that I didn’t bring lunch…

My stomach growled again, and I held back a little groan. Was it possible for your stomach to be so hungry that it started eating itself? I wasn’t to that point yet, I knew it, but it felt like I was getting close; it definitely sounded like it, anyways.

I shouldn’t have passed up my mom’s offer on breakfast. I should have taken two seconds to snatch something from the fridge for lunch. I should have grabbed my wallet or something so I could at least buy something, but _no_. And now Abe-kun’s going to be mad at me because I can barely do anything by myself, and he’s going to want to stop being my catcher because I’m so annoying and needy and I never listen and it’s going to be like Mihoshi all over again-

“MIHASHI!” Tajima-kun half-yells, shocking me enough so that I dug my head out from under my arms just in time to see him practically skipping his way over to me, a huge grin on his face. “It’s lunch! C’mon! Get over here!” He chirps, grabbing ahold of my shoulders and maneuvering me out of my seat and over to where Hama-chan, Sakaeguchi-kun, and Oki-kun were already forming a circle with the desks.

“Where’s your lunch?" Oki-kun asked, making me flinch as I sat down in one of the chairs they gathered.

“Uhm… I, uh, forgot…” I said slowly, stuttering more than usual as if Abe-kun was standing right in front of me. It was stupid, because Oki-kun was nothing like Abe-kun, and Abe-kun wasn’t even scary, he just made me nervous. I don’t know why, but he just did. I want him to like me, and I feel like anything I do can make him hate me. I don’t want him to stop giving me signs, I don’t want him to stop catching for me, I don’t want him to stop caring-

_He cares about me_. That’s why he yells. That’s why he asks about my weight and makes sure I eat enough and makes sure I stretch properly after pitching all day. _He cares about me_. He’s probably the only person outside of my family that cares for me, and he tries as hard as he can to take care of me, or at least get me to take care of myself properly, and all I do is let him down. I owe everything to Abe-kun. I don’t deserve him, as a friend, as a catcher, as anything.

“Well that sucks,” Hama-chan said, clicking his tongue at me unfortunately. “Here, you can have half of mine," he said, splitting his food in half and giving me some. I took it, almost like it was the greatest thing anyone could ever give to me. I could hear Mizutani-kun chuckle at the expression on my face as he sat down with us, but I didn’t really care. Hama-chan gave me his food. It was nice, and it saved me! I could eat it, and not be completely hungry when practice rolled around, and if Abe-kun’s mad at me about not eating breakfast, at least he won’t be mad at me for not having lunch too.

“T-Thanks, Hama-chan!” I said, smiling brightly at him before starting to eat. It was silent for a while, all of us munching on our food diligently, until we were finished.

“So~” Tajima-kun said, leaning on me heavily. I glanced at him, puzzled and interested as to why he sounded completely amused and like he was asking for gossip. “Was it me, or were you actually helping Abe with something this morning?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows at me. My mouth opened and closed, the words not coming out and I don’t even know what I would say, at this point, because that was the last thing I expected for him to ask about.

“Oh, no, I definitely saw that too,” Sakaeguchi-kun said, smiling a little.

“Well, that’s sort of weird. Usually it’s Abe helping Mihashi all the time,” Hama-chan said, stroking his chin like he was thinking about something before Mizutani-kun elbowed him in the ribs. “Ow!”

“Mihashi can help Abe too!” Mizutani-kun defended, looking at him with his eyes narrowed a bit.

“What were you helping him with?” Oki-kun asked, ignoring the two, who were having a little staring contest instead of an actual argument.

“H-history,” I said.

“Oh, that makes sense,” Tajima-kun said, sitting up straight. “I heard Abe sucks at history. But that’s actually really cool! I didn’t know you liked history!” He said, nudging me.

“I just… It makes…” I said.

“I know, I know, it makes sense. Not like math or English. Bleh!” Tajima-kun said, acting disgusted.

“You can’t blame Abe for needing help with history,” Oki-kun said, shrugging.

“But… he knows… a lot… so I just… he wouldn’t…” I tried to say, but I was too excited to say what I really wanted to say, and it was like all the words jumbled together at the wrong time.

“Yeah!” Tajima-kun said. “I know what you mean! Mr. Know-It-All should be able to memorize all those facts and historical crap! But he can’t! It’s kind of funny when you think about it!”

“Don’t… don’t make fun of him!” I said suddenly, looking at Tajima-kun fiercely.

“What? I was only-!” Tajima-kun was saying, brushing the whole thing off before finally looking at me and seeing my (probably scarily serious) expression. “Whoa, jeez, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that," he amended, looking genuinely apologetic. I nodded, forgiving him, before he flung his arm over my shoulder again.

“You two are exhausting,” Hama-chan said, sighing and rest his head in the palm of his hand. I laughed a little, because everyone said that. I was glad that Tajima-kun got me, and that he didn’t make too much of a big deal over the fact that I stood up for Abe-kun.

Was that what that was? Was I standing up for him? I knew Tajima-kun was just poking fun, but it touched a nerve for some reason. I just didn’t want Tajima-kun talking about him like that. I never thought Abe-kun needed me before now, and he probably doesn’t, but at least I helped him with his history assignment this morning, and now I helped him again by standing up for him… even if he doesn’t know it. But still!

“The teacher’s coming back in.” Mizutani-kun reported, and then lunch was over. We all helped put the tables back where they belonged before piling into our seats once more and listened to the teacher drone on in the most boring voice ever about everything we needed to learn.

* * *

 

After classes were let out for the day, it didn’t take us very long to get to the club room. Hama-chan tagged along with the rest of us from our class because he was going to be a runner today and help us with practice. We were all grateful for it, trust me, and it made me proud that I knew him when I was little… oddly. I don’t know if that made sense, because I was proud because I knew him before everyone else did.

We all changed into our practice uniforms and waited around for the rest of the team to show up. In the meantime, we fixed up the field a bit and made sure all the equipment was accounted for and ready to be used. To say I was a little nervous was an understatement. What if Abe-kun got mad at me for not doing what he said to? Would he end up quitting the team because I was too much of a nuisance? I asked him a couple times before, and he always said that he wasn’t going to quit, but I’ve made plenty of people mad before and soon they end up not wanting anything to do with me…

I can’t imagine a world without Abe-kun. I don’t know how its going to be after we graduate, and I don’t want to think about how it was before I came to Nishiura, but if Abe-kun stopped playing baseball, I’d be useless on that mound and there would be no use to even continue playing baseball. I couldn’t imagine him not caring about me anymore, not asking me about my weight and limiting my pitch count and making sure I studied and ate properly-

“Mihashi!” Someone called, and I stiffened, knowing that voice all too well. When I turned around, Abe-kun was standing there. I made a little noise, I don’t know why, probably because I was just thinking about him and now he’s here and… I walked over to him. “Hey," he said.

“H-Hi Abe-kun…” I said, not knowing where to look, at his eyes or his feet or his shoulder… so I settled for looking at the tips of my shoes and wringing my fingers in my shirt nervously.

“I forgot to ask you this morning, but did you-?” Abe-kun started to ask before being cut off.

“C’MON GUYS! WE NEED TO START!” Suyama-kun yelled, waving his arm around to catch our attention. Abe-kun clicked his tongue, probably because he was irritated about being cut short, and I just about melted right into my shoes. He was going to ask me about my weight, I knew it, and… Suyama-kun just saved me. I’d have to say thank you to him later. We both went over to the rest of the team and started our meditation exercise.

* * *

 

The sun was setting already when we finally got done with everything that Momoe-kan assigned for us to do today. When she said that practice was going to be more intense, she was right. I rolled my shoulders a bit to stretch them out a little more, feeling the tension spill out of them like they normally did after I pitched. It wasn’t even tension, not really, but whatever the feeling was it was oddly comforting and it was a sign that I was doing something right. Every pitch that I threw felt right, and if it was up to me, I would have kept on pitching for longer, and before I came to Nishiura, I would. I would go home and pitch to my target in my backyard until I could barely see my fingers in front of my face and then I would go in my room and sleep like the dead. I was scared out of my thoughts when someone touched my shoulder.

“Are you feeling okay?” Someone asked me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin at the suddenness of it all. I turned around and saw Abe-kun looking at me, his expression like stone, except that if you looked close enough there was some kind of worry in his grey eyes and… too bad I didn’t have more time to look, and I didn’t know where to look; it was like I couldn’t look at him for long or I might have exploded. Instead I glanced around, looking at everything and anything except his face.

“I-I’m… okay,” I finally responded after I realized that he was trying his hardest to be patient with me. Abe-kun, the only person that actually cared about me, the person I probably irritated the most, the person I trusted with my pitches… and the person who was looking at me skeptically.

“I just saw you rolling your shoulders some more! Are you sure you’re okay?” He said, making me jerk because his voice was louder than I expected it to be. I looked everywhere and anywhere, wringing my fingers in my shirt some more as I shook.

“Oi! Abe! Stop bullying him!” Tajima-kun yelled from the dugout.

“I’m not bullying him!!” Abe-kun answered back. He sounded angry. I made him angry. I _always_ make him angry. But he still cares about me, because he would have left me by now.

“Sure you’re not!” Tajima-kun said, and even though I couldn’t see it, I was sure that he was rolling his eyes. Abe-kun huffed, and decided to ignore him.

“I-I-I’m okay… Abe-kun… honest,” I said shakily after a couple seconds. He gave me a look before sighing.

“Fine," he said shortly. “But if something’s wrong, you need to tell someone, alright? We don’t need you to get injured.” I nodded immediately, because he tells me this all the time. I should be tired of hearing it, but I’m not. Every time he says it, I know he means it, so I don’t really mind. It’s just another way to show that he cares. “Anyways, how much did you weigh this morning?” He asked.

I jumped, knowing that the question as coming but not knowing how to escape it. I could feel my shoulders shaking, and my fingers found the front of my shirt again and I didn’t know where to look; first at Abe-kun’s shoes, then at the dugout, then at the pitcher’s mound. My mouth opened and closed like I was trying to say something but the words weren’t coming out. I probably looked like a baby bird or a fish out of water or something and it was so stupid, because Abe-kun was still looking at me and I was pretty sure he was getting annoyed and-

“You didn’t weigh yourself this morning, did you?!” Abe-kun said, his voice like steel as he lunged forward, grinding his knuckles on either side of my head.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow…” I said under my breath, because it hurt a little bit, but not as much as it used to. Or was it because Abe-kun was being gentle? He let me go a second later, and I swayed a bit before sinking onto the floor in front of him.  “N-No…” I answered his question, looking down at the dirt beneath me. “I-I-I forgot, a-and… late… s-so…” I stuttered out. I heard him sigh above me, and I flinched.

“You were late, so you forgot to weigh yourself this morning,” Abe-kun said, clarifying the thought that couldn’t get out of my mouth properly, and I nodded, still not looking up. How could I? He was upset at me, and everything can and will fall apart, and maybe if I didn’t look up, I wouldn’t see everything crash, and then it would be like it didn’t… “Stand up,” Abe-kun said gruffly, and I flinched a little when he grabbed my arms and pulled me to my feet.

“A-Abe-kun…” I stammered, looking this way and that and trying my hardest not to look at him, because I knew he had a scowl on his face and his hands were fists, and I couldn’t take it. I knew he was angry at me, and one day he’s just going to dump me and forget about me because I’m not good enough and I never listen and I’m wasting his and everyone else’s time…

“Hey, I’m not mad, you know!?” Abe-kun said, sounding plenty mad at me and everything else. But there was something there that made me stop. Maybe it was because Abe-kun would never say something that he didn’t mean. I stopped trying to avoid his gaze and looked at his feet.

“Y-You’re…. you’re not?” I asked, biting the inside of my cheek and my fingers ringing my shirt again. Abe-kun’s feet moved, stepping closer to me, and I was just about to look up when one of his fingers hooked under my chin and _made_ me look up. He was right in my face, looking at me, _seeing_ me, and even though there was the tiniest bit of a scowl on his face, I knew that he _truly_ wasn’t mad.

“I’m not mad,” Abe-kun said, echoing my thoughts, and for a second I heard Shiga-sensei’s voice ringing in my head, saying how the pitcher and catcher were supposed to be of one body and mind. I shook the thought of my head when Abe-kun took a deep breath and continued talking. “Part of it’s my fault, anyway. It was late when I called you last night.”

I blinked at him. Was he… taking responsibility for something I did wrong?! I couldn’t believe it!

“N-No!” I argued, making him blink. “You… You were just… telling me about… studying… so its not your fault! I just…. Got up… late…”  Abe-kun lowered his finger from my chin, and took a little step back. He huffed.

“Then I’ll call you every morning if that means you’ll get up on time,” Abe-kun said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“A-Ah… Abe-kun doesn’t… y-you don’t… responsibility, so…” I said, butchering my sentence. ‘ _You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, I’m not your responsibility, so you don’t have to go out of your way to do this._ ’

“Technically, you are my responsibility,” Abe-kun said, making me blink at him and scramble for something, anything to say to him. “You’re my pitcher, I’m supposed to take care of you.”

“Y-You do!” I said, nodding at him enthusiastically. “M-my grades… eating… p-pitching… you help me… a lot… I-I’m… happy… you care… but… I… I can do this… by myself.” I was proud that I actually didn’t butcher it as much as I thought I would have. I couldn’t explain the look on Abe-kun’s face even if I had more time, because his hand shot out and ruffled my hair.

“Okay," he said, and I didn’t know if he was happy, or excited, or what, but the expression on his face now was… was he…? Was he smiling?! “C’mon, lets get changed and go home," he said, jerking his head back to the dugout, and I nodded, and we did just that.

After scrambling a bit faster than normal, we got changed in time to leave with the rest of the team. We all grabbed our bikes and left.

“Hey… psst! Mihashi!” Someone said, and when I looked, Tajima-kun rode up on his bike next to me. He was… whispering, for once? I almost laughed, because the thought of Tajima-kun whispering was almost a near impossibility, before I noticed that the look on Tajima-kun’s face was serious.

“Hmm?” I answered. He hopped off his bike and walked it next to mine.

“What were you and Abe talking about earlier?” Tajima-kun asked, and I nearly tripped as I walked. I opened and closed my mouth, sounds coming out that were supposed to be words, but it was like I had no control over anything at the moment. “Aw, c’mon, Mihashi, it’s not like it’s a secret that you were talking, right?” I instantly shook my head at the question, because, honestly, it wasn’t a secret, and it wasn’t like I could keep something from Tajima-kun anyways. He would only weasel it out of me later. “So what were you talking about?” He pressed.

“W-weight… and… getting… up… and…” I stuttered, looking at the floor. I didn’t know if Tajima-kun got it, but apparently he did, since he smiled at me a moment later.

“Aw, why so boring!?” He whined good-naturedly. “I thought you two were gossiping or planning a date later or something!” I jerked when he said that, nearly tripping and flinging myself over the handlebars of my bike. “Whoa, Mihashi! Are you alright?” Tajima-kun asked me curiously.

“A-Abe-kun… and… date…” I said, not really understanding why he said that.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Tajima-kun asked, blinking at me like it was his turn to be baffled. I only blinked at him. “I thought you two liked each other," he said simply, and something that felt like fire was on my face and I felt like throwing my bike down to try and rub off the insane warmth, but instead I looked away from him and at the other side of the street instead.

“Ab-Abe-kun and… like… can’t… not…” The words that were coming out of my mouth didn’t make sense, not even to me. I tried to breathe, I really did, but it was like I couldn’t have enough. I bit the inside of my cheek and I was swaying on my feet and without my bike, I would be on the floor for sure.

“Whoa, sorry!” Tajima-kun yelled, reaching out and grabbing my shoulder. It was so different from when Abe-kun grabbed my shoulder… GAH! “I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything! I was just assuming!”

I don’t think I listened to him very well, because the moment I thought about Abe-kun grabbing my arm, it was like a stream of Abe-kuns running through my mind. Yelling at me today, calling my yesterday, making sure I drank enough water, helping me with stretches, leaning over and showing me what I did wrong in a math problem, plopping my glove onto my head with a weird-looking semi-smirk on his face… and with stars practically in his eyes the first day I met him. Something twisted in my stomach, and I hoped I didn’t have to go to the hospital. Abe-kun would be furious…

There we go again.

He cares for me. I couldn’t think it enough. It didn’t make sense why he cared for me. I’m not that good of a pitcher, I can barely talk when I’m around him, I’m clumsy, I’m not ever that good in school and yet… he cares. Does that… Could he care about me because he likes me?

_“I like you. Not just as a pitcher, as a person!”_

I couldn’t think about that. He was only getting me ready for the Mihoshi game.

“Mihashi! Are you even listening to me!?” Tajima-kun shouted, probably disturbing the people who lived in the houses we walked by.

“Ah… ah, no…” I said, still not looking at him.

“Hey,” Tajima-kun said, and there was something serious in his voice that made me stop short and look at him. “I said I was sorry about thinking that you and Abe liked each other. I didn’t mean it like that, okay?”

I nodded my head. It was the only thing I could really do. Tajima-kun nodded back, before cracking a wide smile. We talked a bit about school, and then it switched to PE, when he threw that basketball at the one guy’s face because he was talking badly about Shinooka-chan.  It was pretty funny, and we laughed about the look on his face when Tajima-kun stood up to him, but what he was saying about Shinooka-chan was just… wrong. We didn’t tell her about it, though, but Tajima-kun made sure that the guy got that Shinooka-chan wasn’t to be messed with.

“Alright, Mihashi! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Tajima-kun said as we reached my house.

“Yeah. Bye Tajima-kun!” I called as loud as I could as he hopped on his bike and raced down the road. I set my bike outside, grabbed my things, and slipped through the front door. “I’m home!” I said, slipping off my shoes and closing the door behind me.

I found myself gravitating to the kitchen, where my mom was making dinner. I talked with her for a little while, but I couldn’t really remember what we talked about. I sat down and ate whatever she put on my plate in a heartbeat. After I was finished, I took a shower and went into my room. I briefly wondered if I should do my homework, before squashing the thought immediately. _Of course I’m doing my homework, Abe will kill me if he knows I’m slacking_.

I amended that immediately, because sure, Abe could grind his knuckles into my head and yell at me, but I don’t think he would actually kill me. Or at least I was hoping he wouldn’t.

I did my homework as best as I could, or as much as I could before I started nodding off. I put everything in my backpack and made sure my alarm was on, before collapsing onto my bed. My hand slid underneath my pillow and it felt around for a bit before it touched what it was looking for: a baseball. I removed the ball from the underside of my pillow and rested it near my face.

It wasn’t long before I was fast asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

My alarm blared in my ears again, and I lazily turned it off and rubbed at my eyes. I sat up slowly, swaying a bit but somehow staying upright, and stretched my arms over my head. Realizing that the baseball was still in my grip, I slipped it under my pillow again for safe keeping. I crawled out of my bed and was pulling my practice jersey over my head when my phone started buzzing again.

“Wha-?” I started to say, because I knew for a fact that I didn’t set two alarms last night… _or did I_? I padded over to my phone and looked at it…

And nearly threw it out the window when I saw that Abe-kun was calling me. I jerked so hard that my phone jumped out of my hands, and I had to scramble to catch it before it fell onto the floor. I thought about not answering for a split second, but just thinking about how angry Abe-kun would be if I ignored his call gave me chills.

So, I took a deep breath, flicked my phone open, and pressed it to my ear. “H-Hello?”

“Mihashi,” Abe-kun said on the other line. It was almost like he was going to say something else, but he caught himself. I didn’t know. But it was silent for a while. “Good morning," he finally said. He sounded weird, but I’m not saying anything.

“M-Morning, Abe-kun,” I said back. “Y-You… you didn’t…”

“I was just making sure you were up and- huh?” Abe-kun said, launching himself into his next sentence and stopping when he noticed I said something. I guess something came out of my throat, like a noise or something, because Abe-kun continued. “Mihashi, you said something. What is it?” He demanded.

“N-Nothing,” I insisted. Maybe ‘ _insisted_ ’ wasn’t the right word. It definitely wasn’t. I knew my voice was shaking, because it was Abe-kun, and he cared about me enough to go out of his way and call me to make sure I was up, so insisting anything was out of the question. Apparently, it was enough, because Abe-kun sighed heavily a second later.

“Okay…” He said. “I just wanted to make sure you were up and remind you to weigh yourself and eat something before you leave. Alright?”

“Yeah…”

“And don’t forget your lunch.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Good.”

“T-Thank you… A-Abe-kun…” I said, tucking my chin to my chest like I was expecting something to happen.

“For what?” He asked, and he was genuinely confused. I blinked, sitting up straight again and fixing my eyes on my pillow.

“F-For… calling and… taking care… o-of me…” I said, and I was so sure that I got that out right that I smiled a little bit to myself. Sure, it was broken, and it probably sounded weird, and he’ll probably tell me that I don’t need to thank him but… I said it.

“Anytime,” Abe-kun replied, and there was something in his voice again, something I couldn’t put my finger on and it sounded familiar and not right and not him, and yet I didn’t know what it was. Maybe he was uncomfortable. “Don’t be late, okay?” He reminded.

“O-o-okay!”

“Okay. Bye.”

“B-Bye! Love you!” I said, before snapping my phone shut and tossing it on my bed.

Three…

Two…

DID I REALLY JUST DO THAT!?

I don’t talk on the phone! My mom is the only one that usually calls and I always tell her I love her before she hung up and… oh no… did Abe-kun hear that?! Well, he called me yesterday too! Why didn’t I say it then? I guess it was because I was tired or something and I didn’t have that much energy but I had enough to remember and set a new alarm and… Abe-kun’s either going to freak out and kill me, or… no, he’s probably going to kill me.

Okay, breathe. This whole thing was an accident. Abe-kun understands when I mess up… well, most of the time, anyways. Besides, it wasn’t like I meant it or anything… or did I? No. Yes? Why am I thinking about this?

I scrambled off my bed, shooting a tentative glance at my phone, wondering what in the heck possessed me to say that and watching to see if it was going to light up again, but it didn’t. I looked at it for another second, before dashing off into the bathroom. I stepped on the scale and waiting for the numbers to click into place. “53 kilos” the numbers brightly displayed, and I stepped off, not feeling bad, but not feeling particularly good, either.

Would Abe-kun get mad at me because I don’t weigh enough? It seemed ridiculous to think about, but I was thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the scarier it got. I shook my head, padded back to my room, and finished getting dressed.

I grabbed my things, and went into the kitchen. My mom sat a bowl down on the table, saying something that sounded vaguely like a “good morning,” but I didn’t hear her all too well. I was already in front of the bowl, shouting “IT LOOKS DELICIOUS!” out of habit before digging in. I heard her giggle a little bit, but I ignored it.

After I was done eating, I raided the rest of the kitchen for some food that would slightly resemble a lunch. I dodged my mom pretty creatively a couple times as I walked from the table to the fridge, but I didn’t spill anything, so I must have done something right. I packed everything away and rushed out the door, calling to my mom that I would see her later. I hopped onto my bike and started for school.

I got there a bit earlier than everyone else, which was weird, because I could have left a lot later. I shrugged that thought off as I locked my bike into the rack, grabbed my things, and headed for the clubroom. When I got there, I ducked through the door tentatively, looking around before fully walking in. I don’t know why I did that, because I knew Abe-kun wasn’t here, and- _oh my god, what am I going to do if Abe-kun says something today_? No, No, No, I couldn’t think about that right now.

I walked to my locker, and as soon as I opened it, something slammed into my shoulders and shouted “MIHASHI!!” in my ear. I jumped, nearly slamming my locker onto my fingers, and turned around so fast, that I was nose-to-nose with Tajima-kun, who took a step back and laughed.

“Whoa, dude, calm down!” He said, shaking my shoulder a little as I slumped and took a deep breath. “You’re super jumpy. What’s up?” He asked, a smile still hanging on his face as he looked at me.

I shook my head, choosing not to say anything, because I knew if even one word came out of my mouth, that everything would follow, or he would get what happened immediately, and if he knew, he might make fun of me enough to get the whole team knowing what happened. And if the whole team knows, how would Abe-kun react?? I don’t even want to think about that. 

“Fine, but you’ll have to tell me later, alright?” Tajima-kun said, shaking me again and flashing another smile. He never took a no for an answer. That was for sure. I nodded, because I know he would be the first one I talked to about this, if I talked about it at all, and I turned around to start getting changed into my practice uniform.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Oki-kun, Suyama-kun and Izumi-kun walk in as I shucked my pants off and threw them in my locker, swapping them out for my uniform pants instead. I said hi to them, but they were talking, so I don’t think it would have mattered if I said or anything or not. I started taking off my shirt, but the moment I did, I looked at the door, and I saw Hanai-kun and Abe-kun walk in. I flailed, not thinking and thinking amazingly fast at the same time, and I somehow got my head stuck in the collar of my shirt and my fingers were moving too fast to be any help… not that it stopped me in any way, because I tried my hardest to get it off and-

“Hey, hey, Mihashi! Calm down!” Someone called, and I recognized the voice, but the fact that I couldn’t see to make sure made it worse, but it was weird, because I thought I needed to make sure and- a pair of hands knocked mine out of the way, and a second later, my shirt was plucked off my head, and Oki-kun was looking at me with a nervous smile on his face. He held out my shirt and I took it from him.

“Th-thanks, Oki-kun…” I said quietly, holding it close to my chest.

“It’s fine," he said, waving the whole thing off like it was nothing. Which, was understandable, because it was practically nothing, except for the fact that I made a complete fool out of myself and everyone was watching me.

Everyone.

Abe-kun was staring at me. I opened my mouth to say something to him, but what would I say to him in the middle of the clubroom with most of the team here? ‘ _Sorry for saying I love you on the phone even though I don’t know if I really do love you or not!_ ’ Not a chance. I didn’t get to say anything though, because Abe-kun turned red, scowled, and looked away from me before I could think of a syllable.

He… _He’s mad at me_. Why else would he turn red like that? He probably doesn’t even want to look at me right now. What if… What if he’s thinking about how to tell me that he doesn’t want to catch for me anymore? There would be no use in trying anymore.

No, no, no. I cant think like that. Abe-kun said that he wouldn’t leave, right? And if I just tell him it was a mistake, then everything would be fine. And it was just a mistake. Right? Even if it was wrong, I had to at least tell him that it was.

I shook all these thoughts out of my head, because they wouldn’t do me any good. When the time comes, I’ll tell him. That’s that. I worried myself with getting my uniform on and butting into a conversation that I wasn’t a part of to get all of this out of my head.

We all headed to the field and started practice as soon as we were sure that everyone was there. Sprints, batting practice, you name it, we were probably giving it our all anyways. I was still a bit shaky about the whole thing, and yeah, maybe I was intentionally shying away from Abe-kun every chance I got, but it wasn’t like I was slacking off. Actually, I think I was working harder than I ever have before. Not that I didn’t try before, it's just…

“Mihashi!” Abe-kun yelled, and I jumped, nearly hitting myself in the head with the bat I held in my hands. “Come on, we need to get in the bull pen," he said, and it almost felt like he was yelling, but it was quieter. I nodded, because I don’t think words would have done me any good at this point, and put all my things down before going over to him.

We set up like usual, throwing a couple loose balls first, just to make sure my shoulder was warmed up properly, before starting. I followed the signs he was giving, and I made sure that they sank into his mitt perfectly. It was weird, because I was so nervous about what Abe-kun was going to say, what _I_ was going to say, if he would quit the team or not, if I would never live this down, how I would have to explain this to Tajima-kun, and yet… my pitching wasn’t effected. I guess I was throwing myself into this more than I would have, too.

It was nearing the end of practice and everyone started cleaning things up, putting things away, making sure everything was in order for when we come back after school. Abe-kun tossed the ball back to me, hitting my mitt with a little _smack!_ , before getting back down in his crouch.

“One more!” He called, almost as if we were in a real match. I watched for his sign and threw exactly that: an actual fastball, full speed, somewhere in the strike zone. He caught it after a slight readjustment to his mitt placement, and stood up, tearing his helmet off.  “Nice pitch!”

“N-Nice catching!” I replied a bit shakily. All the nervousness I should have felt while I was pitching flooded me as Abe-kun walked closer. I’m pretty sure I was shaking, and I had to remind myself to breathe more than once.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, giving me a concerned look. Maybe he was just asking that because I was freaking out, or maybe because we just got done with pitching practice, or maybe because he actually cared… no, no, no… wait, he asked a question. I opened my mouth, hoping that words would come to answer him, but there was nothing. So, instead, I nodded. “Are you hurt?” He questioned, a little bit of irritation in his voice. I flinched, because I haven’t even said anything yet and he was already mad at me, but I shook my head in reply. “Okay. Make sure you stretch and drink a lot of water, alright?” He said.

I nodded, and as I did so, he turned around and started walking away. I guess my imagination got the best of me, because all I saw was him turning away from me in disgust and talking with Momoe-kan about how he didn’t want to catch for me anymore. I panicked, because I didn’t want that to happen, ever, and I would be totally useless without Abe-kun.

“I-I’m sorry!” I said, nearly shouting, before I knew it. Abe-kun froze and when he turned around, he had the weirdest expression on his face.

“For what?” He asked, completely baffled.

“F-For… this morning… phone…” I stuttered, my nervousness coming back in a new wave that I barely saw coming. I looked down at my shoes, and hoped that he wouldn’t be mad at me for bringing it up.

“Ah, that,” Abe-kun said, and I thanked whoever was up there listening that I didn’t have to explain it further. I looked up, because he didn’t sound mad at all, and he didn’t look mad either. Actually, he looked sort of… embarrassed. “Well, it was a slip of the tongue, right? There’s not need to apologize for an accident," he said, dismissing the whole thing in general.

“I… I don’t know…” I said, my fingers coming up to twist into the front of my shirt.

“Don’t know what?” Abe-kun asked, almost immediately. I took a deep breath.

“If… it was… an accident…” I managed to say nearly coherently. His eyes went wide, and something strong and cold tied my stomach into knots. _I messed up_. “I-I mean! It was at first! But… but now… I don’t know…” I said, struggling to explain what exactly I was thinking.

I don’t know if I made it worse or not. He had this weird expression on his face, and I couldn’t explain it if I tried. His eyes were still wide, and his mouth was slightly open, almost like he wanted to say something but he didn’t know what. It made me uneasy, because Abe-kun always had the right thing to say, and now that he doesn’t…

“S-S-Sorr-”

“How can you not know something like that!?” He practically yelled, cutting me off and making me shrink in on myself. I was shaking more now, and I was sure my heart was hammering in my chest, and I didn’t know what to say or what to do but I know I had to say something.

“I… I…”

“Tell me when you figure it out," he said tersely, his anger deflating a bit, but you could still tell it was there. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t figure out what before he walked away.

How could I have been so stupid? Everything was fine before I started talking about it, so why did I even have to bring it up? But I had to talk about it, and now he’s even angrier than he was before! I shouldn’t have said anything. Now Abe-kun’s going to want to stop catching for me just because I told him that I potentially maybe sorta-kinda actually meant it when I accidentally said I love you.

“Mihashi!” Someone yelled, and for a second I thought it was Abe-kun, and I flinched. It was irrational, because I knew it wasn’t Abe-kun, but I guessed I was still shocked anyways. I looked around, and Nishihiro-kun was jogging over to me. “C’mon, you can’t stand here forever. We’ve got to get to class!” He said, smiling a little bit. I nodded, but I didn’t move. Nishihiro-kun sighed quickly, before stepping behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders, and pushing me forward gently. “Come on…” He said quietly, and my feet started to cooperate with his pushing.

We were running pretty late, so we were rushing to pull on our uniforms and hustle it to class. I was the last one, trying to pull my shirt over my head, but it got stuck. Just my luck. Tajima-kun ran over just in time, already dressed and ready to go, and tugged my shirt over my head.

“T-Thanks, Tajima-kun!” I said, getting my hands through my sleeves and grabbing the rest of my stuff hurriedly.

“No problem! C’mon, lets gooooo!” Tajima-kun said, grabbing my arm and taking off at a run to get to class on time.

“Ta-Tajima-kun! Wait!” I said, tripping a couple times, and the only thing keeping me from falling onto the ground was his grip on me. I guess he noticed, because he did slow down, going from a run to a faster-than-a-fastwalk pace.

“So, what were you and Abe talking about?” He asked me, and I blinked. Why did he almost always ask that? Did he know something I didn’t? No, no, I can’t be thinking of things like that! But… it is the second time he’s asked me…

“N-Nothing…” I said, and he let go of my arm.

“OOH! Does this have to do with why you were so jumpy this morning?” Tajima-kun asked excitedly, hopping up and down as we dodged into the classroom just in time.

“A-Ah…”

“Never mind, you said you would tell me later,” Tajima-kun dismissed, patting my shoulder and going to his desk. I nodded, mostly to myself more than anything, because I knew he couldn’t see me and I knew I would have to tell him about all this sooner than later. It’s just sooner, now.

* * *

It was… hard to focus in class. I tried, I really did, but all that came out of it was messy notes and at least half-understanding of what we were actually doing. I figured that Nishihiro-kun could explain all of this to me later, so I didn’t worry about it all that much.

But I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. Well, no, I should have known to not say anything, because if he wasn’t talking about it, then I shouldn’t either, right? But I had to say it, and I had to keep on talking, and now he’s mad at me.

I buried my head into my arms, and tried not to think about anything. Because if I didn’t think about it, then I wouldn’t have to be worrying myself over Abe-kun and whatever this whole mess was. I wouldn’t have to think about the look on his face when I told him it wasn’t an accident, or his voice when-

“ _Tell me when you figure it out_.”

I flinched at the memory. He… he expects me to figure it out. He wants me to think about it and to know what exactly I meant. Maybe he…? No, that’s stupid. He just wants to know if I really do like him so he can quit or not. But he told me he wouldn’t quit. But all of this could change it.

Do I like him? Thinking about it is scary. Of course I like him. He’s… my catcher, and he gives me signs, and he makes sure that I don’t hurt myself, and he looks out for me. Sometimes he yells at me, but Sakaeguchi-kun tells me that he’s not angry, most of the time. He really does care about me… but if he liked me, would he act like it? No, no, I’m not think about the other way around!

It’s confusing. I like him but I’m scared. I’ll do what he tells me, but that’s because I want him to like me. I want him to like me? Well, yeah, that made sense. I did everything he told me to do because if he didn’t like me then he would leave me all alone on the mound. But I know he won’t leave me alone now. So do I still want him to like me, even if it’s not baseball?

Do I like him, even if it’s not baseball?

“Mihashi!” Tajima-kun yelled, shocking me out of whatever I was in. I sat up as straight as a board, my eyes wide and probably looking like a scared animal. Tajima-kun was in front of my desk, looking slightly concerned but just a smidge more amused. “C’mon, practice is going to start soon!”

I nodded, and gathered up my things before following him to the club room. He didn’t say anything about the Abe-kun thing, because he knew that I was going to tell him later, and, honestly, I was thankful for that.

And now, all I had to do was survive practice.

* * *

“You really said that?!” Tajima-kun yelled incredulously, a wide smile cracking across his face. “That’s hilarious! What did he say!?”

“I… I h-hung…” I stuttered, holding the handlebars of my bike tighter than I should have.

“Dammit!” Tajima-kun said, laughing a little. “Well, that explains why you guys aren’t talking so much. And why Abe seems a little flustered. I was wondering about that.”

“Fl-flust-flustered? Really?” I asked. I hadn’t noticed. Had he been acting like that lately?

“Yeah,” Tajima-kun affirmed. It was silent for a second, until I remembered that I didn’t tell him everything. I hadn’t said the worst part yet.

“I… I apologized for it and… he said… accident… and then… I said it might not be,” I said, flinching a little after every word because it hurt to remember what exactly happened. Because I didn’t know if he was going to quit or not, or if he was going to be angry, or if he was going to be disgusted.

“Whoa,” Tajima-kun said, stopping in his tracks. It was so sudden I walked past him, and when I realized he stopped, I looked back. “You told him that?” He asked, and I nodded. “SEE? I TOLD YOU! YOU TWO ARE A THING! What did he say?” He said, excitedly, demanding me for more.

“ _Tell me when you figure it out_.” I had to remind myself to breathe.

“He… He told me… to tell him when I knew if I did or didn’t… like him,” I said, speeding through it as much as I could, because I didn’t want to talk about it any longer. I just didn’t. I could feel my stomach twist in knots again and again and it was too much.

“Well…” Tajima-kun said, “ _do_ you like him?”

“I… I don’t… know.”

“Well, there has to be something that makes you even slightly consider liking him," he reasoned. Well… he wasn’t wrong.

“He… he cares about me,” I responded, looking at the floor and making sure that I didn’t trip on anything.

“What!!!?” Tajima-kun yelled, making me jump because I wasn’t expecting something as loud as that. I opened my mouth, probably to defend what I just said, but he cut me off before I even started. “I care about you too! Why don’t you like me!?” Tajima-kun asked, and I couldn’t tell if he was joking or making fun of me or what. But I definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“Y-You’re my friend. That… that’s different,” I said, and maybe it was lame, but it was true. And it was the only thing that I could think to say.

“Okay, fine,” Tajima-kun said, not sounding like he was mad at all, so I must have said something right. For once. “But just because he cares about you isn’t enough either, you know? What do you like about _him_? Do you think he’s hot? Do you want to have sex with him? What?” He drilled, getting louder and louder with each suggestion.

“I… I guess he’s… good… looking.” I heard slip out of my mouth, and I flinched because I did NOT mean to say that at all, whatsoever, and I felt so stupid for saying it. But… I was right. In a way. Because I’ve never noticed it before, _really_ noticed it, that is, but Abe-kun _is_ good-looking. From the way he looks expectantly at me from home plate during a game, to his stance when he’s up to bat, to the way he rips off my mask after a long practice, to when he shrugs off his shirt and neatly folds it in the middle of the clubroom…

“HA! I KNEW IT! NOTHING GETS PAST ME!” Tajima-kun said loudly, shocking me out of whatever I was thinking of, and honestly, I was thankful for it. I don’t know why I was thinking about all that, but I don’t know where it would have taken me if he hadn’t snapped me out of it. “So, you’re telling him, right?” Tajima-kun said, stopping. I looked up at him, wondering why he stopped walking, but once glance told me my answer; we were at my house.

“N-No…” I said, shrinking in on myself a little bit. Just thinking about telling Abe-kun that I liked him made me want to disappear. He would probably be mad at me and yell, or even worse, he wouldn’t say anything to me, he wouldn’t even look at me, he would just… walk away and quit, or force me to quit and… I couldn’t take that.

“What?! Why not?!” Tajima-kun said, eyes wide and mouth gaping. His expression should have been funny if it weren’t for the fact that his eyes were like steel.

“He’ll… He’s… Abe-kun…” I stuttered, wanting so badly to tell him that he would quit, but I couldn’t. The words stuck in my throat and there was no way.

“You have to tell him," Tajima-kun said, standing up a little straighter and crossing his arms over his chest.

“W-wh-?”

“I already told you. He’s been flustered lately. I don’t know if it was because of this, but I bet you anything that it is. We have a practice match coming up, and if he’s still like this, it’ll be terrible for us,” Tajima-kun said all in one breath. He huffed, before going on. “Telling him would be better than not saying anything so… Do it, okay? I’ll help you, if you want.”

“Y-yeah… t-thank you, Tajima-kun…” I said, nodding at him.

“You’re welcome!” Tajima-kun said, smacking my back with a huge grin on his face, sending me stumbling a step or two forward. “Good night!” He called, hopping on his bike and taking off.

“G-Good night!” I yelled, waving wildly at his back as he rode away. I sighed, and went inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TAJIMA KNOWS EVERYTHING!! NEVER UNDERESTIMATE HIM!!   
> Thank you for reading! Please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up to my alarm and a new text message from Abe-kun.

[Wake up.]

There was no phone call this time. Was... was he that mad at me that he could barely talk to me? No… I did tell him that he didn’t have to call me. I told him that I can do this on my own. Maybe he’s trusting me to do what I need to do instead of having me rely on him for everything… or maybe he just doesn’t care anymore.

I couldn’t think about this. I got dressed hurriedly, shoved my phone into my backpack, and went downstairs. I didn’t see my mom, but that was okay because I could do this by myself.

I shoved everything that looked the least bit appetizing into my backpack and called it a lunch, and I grabbed… something for breakfast. I couldn’t really tell what I was eating, but I ate it anyways. I didn’t have time.

When I got to school, Abe-kun was already there. ‘ _Calm down, calm down, its nothing, he’s probably not all that upset, calm down, what if he is upset, what if he already told coach, calm down…_ ’ My fingers were already pulling at the hem of my shirt as I walked into the clubroom.

“-don’t see the appeal, really,” Abe-kun was saying, turning away from a shocked-looking Mizutani-kun.

“But you must have at least once-!”

“MIHASHI!” Tajima-kun yelled, weaving his way through everyone to reach me. He threw his arm over my shoulders like he always did, and acted like he was escorting me to my locker. But, in all actuality, he was leaning over and whispering in my ear: “So, are you going to say something, or what?”

“A-ah… I… I j-just...” I tried to answer as he moved a step away. “I… don’t want… mad, so…”

“Got it! Got it!” Tajima-kun said, ruffling my hair so hard and so abruptly that I squawked indignantly. “Later, then, right?” He asked, a grin on his face. I nodded immediately, and he nodded before bounding over to Oki-kun and started to poke his cheek repeatedly. I got dressed hurriedly, and filed out of the club room along with everyone else.

Practice was okay. Abe-kun and I weren’t next to each for meditation (but why would we be? He was probably upset at me, or scared, or disgusted, or whatever, I shouldn’t have expected anything), and I was the one that had to call him over for pitching practice (what a disaster that was, I couldn’t talk right and I could barely stutter out his name, let alone look him in the eyes while I was pitching and I could barely glance at the sign he was giving me because I didn’t know if he would be uncomfortable with me looking in that general region knowing that I might have a crush on him). And he didn’t talk to me, not at all. I don’t know why that bothered me so much, but it did.

Tajima-kun smacked my shoulder when we were all changing in the club room. I don’t know why, but he had that grin on his face that he usually gets when he’s excited for something. He probably wants me to tell him and… no, no, I can’t. Not yet. Not ever, possibly. But… he was waiting for an answer. And… I have one. So why should I wait?

“You’re still coming over Monday, right?” Someone said beside me, and I jumped a little, before noticing that it was Tajima-kun.

“Ah, yeah,” I said, closing my locker and finishing up buttoning my shirt (my fingers were shaking, but I managed to fit the buttons in). Tajima-kun bounded in front of me, stopping at the club room’s door, before jumping up in the air like he just won something.

“Okay!” He answered, grinning widely. “What should we do? I could get a movie from my sister.”

“Y-yeah, that sounds… good,” I said, following him out.

“Mihashi,” someone said, and I should have known that it was Abe-kun, but I had to look, and it wasn’t like I could deny him anything anyways.

“A-A-Abe-kun…” I stuttered, looking anywhere but at him, pressing my fingers together because I didn’t trust the way I buttoned my shirt and I thought that one tug would send them all undone. I glanced his way, just slightly, and I noticed that his mouth was open, but no words were coming out. My stomach twisted in knots.

“Nothing. Never mind. Just go… pay attention in class, or something…” he muttered, turning away. I stood there, shocked. Well, not really shocked, more like stunned, because why would he call out to me when he wasn’t going to say anything? He probably changed his mind. But why? I felt my heartbeat get faster and faster and thoughts were jumbled up and I couldn’t think straight and-

“MIHASHI~ C’mon, we’re going to be late!” Tajima-kun whined, tugging at my sleeve. I nodded, and let him pull me out of the clubroom and towards our class. After a while, he let go of me, and walked backwards so he was still facing me as he walked. “What was that all about?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I… I don’t…”

“He totally wanted to ask you something! I wonder what he wanted. Do you think it had anything to do with… you know, the thing?” He said, smiling and jumping a little at first, but he lowered his voice a little.

“N-No, I…. I don’t think… so,” I said, because it couldn’t be. What could he possibly have to say to me about that anyways? He was waiting for me to tell him my answer, and it’s so twisted, so messed up, and I know what’s going to happen the moment I tell him, but I have to tell him soon and yet… I can’t tell him to his face. There’s no way. The words wouldn’t come out right. I can barely think about it, let alone put it into words, especially in front of him.

“WHAT?!” Tajima-kun yelled, shocking me out of my thoughts. “C’mon, tell me you’re not serious! Do you really think that he just wanted to tell you to pay attention in class?!” He asked me incredulously, almost pleading for me to see his kind of sense. Even if there was no sense to it. I blinked at him, trying to say something, but I couldn’t. He sighed a little, before smiling again. “Fine, never mind. Let’s just get to class before we’re late!” He said, taking off running.

“H-Hey!” I called, running after him.

* * *

I tried paying attention in class, I really did, but there was no chance. What Tajima-kun said got to me. He… couldn’t have just wanted to tell me to pay attention, right? I kept on trying to push it away, to actually listen to what they were explaining on the board, but it was almost impossible. I knew this was only going to cause me problems, the whole not-listening-thing, but…

This whole thing was stupid. I didn’t want to think about it. It was a mistake, wasn’t it? I should not have said that to Abe-kun. I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t messed up. I wouldn’t- we wouldn’t- be in this mess if I hadn’t messed up. Now Abe-kun is flustered, or at least that’s what Tajima-kun says, but I have to take his word for it because I’ve been trying my hardest not to look at him, and its all my fault.

It was a mistake, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I have to deal with it. Not because I want to, because I wish that this whole thing never happened, but because Abe-kun was expecting me to answer him. And I had to answer him, because I can’t say no to Abe-kun, even though this had nothing to do with baseball.

I was dreading practice. I love baseball, I love pitching, I love Nishiura but… Abe-kun’s avoiding me. Not… Not really, because he still cares about me. He told me to pay attention in class so not _everything_ is ruined. But, if Tajima-kun was right, Abe-kun’s acting weird. _Flustered_. I haven’t noticed. I’ve been trying so hard to not be noticed that I tried not to notice him. And now that I know I’m going to be looking at him more, which will only make things worse and…

“Are you okay?” Someone asked, making me jerked, and when I looked around, I saw Izumi-kun next to me.

“Ah… f-fine…” I said, looking away from him slightly. His glance felt like Abe-kun’s, like he could see right through me and fish out the answers, but at least he wasn’t pressing about it. Instead, he sighed, throwing his hands over his head and hooking them behind his head. 

“Are you tired? At all?” He asked me, giving me another glance that was a different one than before. I didn’t know why he was asking me, but I decided to at least answer.

“Mm-mm,” I said as I shook my head, holding on to my bag a little tighter.

“What? Really?!” Izumi-kun asked, his eyes going wide. “Ah, well, I sort of got used to it too, but… practice is getting harder, don’t you think?” I nodded, because I had been noticing. Practice was fun, and no one complained about anything, but things have been getting gradually tougher. It was smart, getting things harder piece by piece, instead of all at once, but it was still noticeable.

“IZUMI! MIHASHI!” Someone yelled, and when we turned around, Hanai-kun was jogging towards us. “I’ve been looking for you guys.”

“Why?” Izumi-kun asked, an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed over his chest.

“Practice is cancelled today,” Hanai-kun said, huffing a little bit.

“Again?” Izumi-kun exclaimed.

“C-Can… celled?” I said, blinking rapidly. Why would they cancel it? And why on such short notice? A thousand questions swirled in my head, but Hanai-kun cut through them.

“Apparently, there was another meeting Momoe-kan and Shiga-sensei had to go to, but they didn’t tell them until last minute," he informed us, giving a little shrug at the end.

“You think big shots like those would have their shit together…” Izumi-kun said, adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

“I know, but there’s nothing we can do about it, I guess,” Hanai-kun said. “I’m probably just going to go home and study a bit m- Mihashi, are you okay?” He asked, cutting himself off as he looked at me.

_No_. Practice was cancelled. I was worrying for nothing. And I was sort of hoping that practice would get my mind off this whole thing for a little bit before I had to go home. But even then, I was so tired that I could just shower, eat dinner and sleep. But without practice, I have so much time to do nothing… or, my homework, but I don’t understand anything… so that leaves worrying about Abe-kun and what I’m going to say to him and…

“Mihashi!” Izumi-kun and Hanai-kun both said, snapping me out of it.

“Ah, Ah… I’m… o-okay…” I said, my hands gripping the front of my shirt. The two of them shared a look, before letting it go.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Hanai-kun said, waving slightly as he started walking away.

“See ya.”

“Bye!” I said, before looking back at Izumi-kun. “I-I’m… gonna…”

“Gonna go home?” Izumi-kun said, filling in the blanks. “I get it. See ya, Mihashi," he added, smiling a little. He clapped my shoulder before heading the other way, following Hanai-kun.

“B-Bye…” I said, waving at him even though he wasn’t looking at me. I sighed, before starting to make my way home.

* * *

[To: Abe Takaya]

[From: Mihashi Ren]

[Subject: About Earlier]

[I thought about it and **_delete delete delete_**

I like you but I don’t want you to be **_delete delete delete_**

I figured out that I do like you **_delete delete DELETE_** ]

I stared at my phone accusingly, like it was the reason why the words weren’t coming out right. It was in front of me as I sat on my bed, and I was staring at the blank message like it was about to kill me. I flopped backwards onto my pillow and threw my arm over my face.

_Why is this so difficult? I had no problem saying that I loved him! Well, that was a mistake but… I can’t even write it right…_

I sighed, lifted my arm up, and looked out my window. I could see my target clearly, and for a moment, I considered pitching. It… wouldn’t have been a bad idea. We didn’t have practice today so it would be fine if I threw a little, plus it would be a good way to procrastinate this whole thing and settle some of my nerves. _Sounds good enough…_ I rolled off my bed, stumbling a bit before getting my feet firmly on the ground and standing.

_I have a bucket of baseballs in the shed… I just need my mitt…_

I looked around my room, digging under my bed at least three times and checking the floor for my mitt, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I was just about to check my bag when my phone started ringing. I blinked, and looked over at it cautiously, almost like it was going to bite me or something.

I was nervous. Last time I answered a phone call, I got into all this mess. It… won’t happen again. I don’t even know who it is, well, I wouldn’t know unless I checked. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, before walking over and picking it up. I saw who was calling and answered it immediately.

“H-Hello?”

“MIHASHI! You left without me!” Tajima-kun whined loudly on the other end, and I could practically hear his pout.

“S-Sorry… it was… practice was cancelled, so I… went home,” I said, not knowing where to look, so I settled onto my bed and looked out the window.

“It’s fine! It’s fine! I was just looking for you, that’s all!” Tajima-kun said, completely brushing the whole thing off. Which was… kind of weird, because he brought it up in the first place. “Anyways, what are you going to do?” He asked me, changing the topic pretty easily. There was… something about his voice. Almost like he had a million plans running through his head and he wanted me to pick one. I should have been used to it but now, but I guess I’m not. Or maybe it’s just because of all this mess in the first place.

“I… I was going to tell him… after practice, but…” I admitted, even though I knew it would have never worked. I mean, that was the plan… wasn’t it? It should have been. Isn’t these kinds of things better to deal with face to face? I know it would turn out horribly, but I had to try, didn’t I?

“OH! Nice!” Tajima-kun said, sounding excited and cutting me off from my thoughts altogether. “Heh, feeling brave, huh?” He asked, chuckling a little. I didn’t know how to respond, exactly, so I just nodded and made a little noise (because he couldn’t see me nod, and was stupid that I even thought of that being an acceptable answer…). “AW MAN!” He exclaimed suddenly, his voice so loud in my ear that I jumped, almost dropping my phone altogether. I caught it before it could fall, and held it to my ear again. “-actice was cancelled! That failed before you could even try!!” He sounded upset.

“It’s… okay, because… I was going to text him…” I said, trying my best to get the words out right, because I didn’t want him to be upset at something we couldn’t change in the first place. “I just... don’t know what to say…” Tajima-kun made a noise, and I don’t know if he was thinking or agreeing with me. Either way, it was sort of unnerving. Tajima-kun always had something to say, and if he didn’t know, how am I supposed to say anything?

“Well, it’s hard saying it, but I guess it’s harder writing it down," he murmured. I could see where he was coming from. Saying something was easy. The words just come out. A message is harder. You have every word staring at you, and you keep thinking that it’s not good enough… “What do you want to tell him?”

“I-I… short. T-That I like him and… that’s it,” I said, stuttering just at the prospect of saying it aloud, let alone telling it to Abe-kun. Even if it is just a message…

“Hey, hey, calm down, okay? It’s not so bad,” Tajima-kun eased. “Do… you want me to tell him?”

“N-No!” I nearly yelled, my heart jumping in my throat at the thought. “I… I… Abe-kun will… even more… mad…” I said brokenly, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapped my free arm around my shins. If Tajima-kun told him, then he would know I told someone about this, and not only would he be mad at me for liking him, but also because I embarrassed him and told someone about it! No, no, that couldn’t happen, not now, not-

“Wait, what?” Tajima-kun said loudly. “Mihashi, you think Abe’s mad at you?” He sounded incredulous, and I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I knew I had to answer him. He _wanted_ an answer.

“Y-Yes… well… not now, maybe… but when I… tell him, yeah… and if you tell him it would be… worse?? So…” I stuttered, fiddling with my pants a little. I wish I could disappear. Why is this happening?

“I don’t think he’ll be mad at you!” He said, still loud, but at least it wasn’t a question this time. It sounded like he _knew_ , and I don’t know how he could sound like that.

“B-But…”

“No buts,” Tajima-kun said, cutting me off with an unrecognizable firmness in his voice. “You’re gonna text him that you like him. Tonight. You can turn your phone off after that. Or throw it out the window. Or whatever you want to do! But you _are_ telling him! Strictly!” Was it me or… did he sound like Momoe-kan? I tried not to think about it.

“O-Okay, Tajima-kun…” I said, looking at my toes from over my knees.

“Good. Oh! And text me after you tell him, okay?” He added excitedly.

“Y-yeah…”

“Hey," he said abruptly.

“What?”

“Sorry for being mean,” Tajima-kun said sincerely. “But… you have to get this done sooner or later, and I think sooner’s a lot better than later. I’m just trying to look out for you and the team.”

“Y-yeah… I know. Thanks, Tajima-kun,” I said, nodding a little.

“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow!” He said, and before I could even say ‘bye,’ he hung up. I shut my phone carefully, before setting it down beside me and looking out my window.

I didn’t feel like pitching anymore.

* * *

[To: Abe Takaya]

[From: Mihashi Ren]

[At: 11:35 PM]

[Subject:    ]

[I like you]

* * *

[To: Tajima Yuuichirou]

[From: Mihashi Ren]

[At: 11:38 PM]

[Subject:    ]

[I did it]

* * *

I couldn’t sleep. At all. There was no way I was sleeping. There were times when I thought that I was dozing off, but then I remembered everything, snapped back to reality, and thought about everything I shouldn’t have. I knew I was going to pay for it later on, that is, if Abe-kun even cared anymore about this, but… I couldn’t think. I can’t.

I was ready to leave for school about two hours before I was usually supposed to get up. I shoved my phone underneath my pillow, then pulled it back out, checked it, then shoved it underneath my pillow again. Over and over again. I knew he wasn’t going to respond, but I couldn’t help it.

I could hear my mom moving around soon enough, so I climbed into my covers and closed my eyes like I’d done about a hundred times already. In a matter of minutes, my alarm rang in my ears and my mom barged in, urging me to get up and be on time. I sat up and nodded, and she let herself out. I stayed there for a little longer, before deciding that I probably should get up. I shoved my phone into my bag before I moved to get dressed. I didn’t want to see the thing anymore.

After getting dressed as slowly as I possibly could, I wandered down to the kitchen. Surprisingly, my mom wasn’t there. Instead, she was in the living room, talking on the phone. I don’t know who she would be talking to at this time, but I didn’t think it mattered. I searched lazily for something to eat, but after scouring the kitchen at least three times, I realized I wasn’t really hungry. Huh.

I did anything I could to kill time; weighed myself twice, repacked my bag at least once, retied my shoelaces, tried fixing my hair, listened in on my mom’s excitable conversation, and even wandered out to the yard and checked if there were any stray baseballs around. After all that, I was severely late, so I hopped on my bike and rode to Nishiura as fast as I could.

When I got there, I was struggling for air, but I didn’t let that stop me from rushing to the clubroom. Being late to class was frowned upon, but being late to practice was practically _death_. I got outside the door, but I didn’t go in. Breathing heavily, I leaned against the wall and tried my best to relax. I knew that was barely an option at the moment, but it was the least that I could do. When my breathing was somewhat normal, I stood on my own two feet and walked into the room.

“-you’re not, are you?” I heard Tajima-kun say, and when I looked up, I saw him talking to… Abe-kun?! I couldn’t bring myself to take another step, so I just stood in the doorway.

“Not really. It’s just a matter of-” Abe-kun said, preoccupied with his conversation with Tajima-kun to notice me.

“Ah, morning, Mihashi,” Mizutani-kun said, patting my shoulder and slipping past me as he walked out. Abe-kun must have heard him, because he cut himself off and looked at me. My stomach tied itself into uncomfortable knots, and I was glad I didn’t eat something this morning, because it would have been all over the floor by now.

“Mihashi,” Abe-kun said, almost like he was shocked to see me standing there. He blinked once, twice, and I couldn’t take it. I dropped my bag off my shoulder and ran out, not looking back, not even when Abe-kun yelled, “MIHASHI! WAIT!”

I couldn’t, I couldn’t, _I couldn’t_. I couldn’t stand there with him looking at me like that. He knows now, and he’s here earlier than me, so he probably already told Momoe-kan or maybe even Hanai-kun about this whole thing, and I was going to be kicked off the team. I knew it. I just had to screw this whole thing up.

I didn’t know where I was running, but my head was spinning, my heart was pounding, and my knees were buckling slightly with every step I took. I passed a corner, and I took it, sliding a little bit and praising whoever was up there that I didn’t fall. I looked around before ducking into a small niche and curling up on myself.

It was too early to go to class, and I left my bag at the clubroom. Maybe when they’re all at practice I could go and grab it. Or maybe I could just go home and have Tajima-kun bring it to me after school. But I felt so stupid. Stupid for all of this, stupid for telling him, stupid for liking him when he obviously didn’t like me at all-

“Mihashi! I know you’re around here somewhere!” Abe-kun called, because there was no way I was mistaking his voice. I closed my eyes tight, and hoped, prayed, tried my hardest to make myself disappear, but it wasn’t working. “C’mon, Mihashi, please, I only want to- Mihashi," he said, and I flinched at how close his voice was.

_He found me. Now he’s going to yell at me and tell me how disgusting he thinks I am, and tell me that he never wants to catch for me again, but I’m not any good without Abe-kun catching my pitches, so I might as well be kicked off the team, might as well stop playing altogether because I’m no good-_

There was a thump, and then something was pulling me out of my niche wrapping itself around me. I was so scared, so confused, until I opened my eyes, and then I finally realized that Abe-kun was on the floor next to me and hugging me. _He was actually hugging me._ _Wait…_ why _?_

“You’re such an idiot!” He was yelling. “You could have gotten hurt when you turned that corner! And curling up in a ball like that isn’t good for your back, and it could screw up your pitches! And just running away suddenly without being warmed up like that could really hurt you! How could you be so careless?”

I wasn’t listening to half of what he was saying, trying my hardest to get out of his grip, because he was yelling at me. _He was mad at me_. He was angry that I wasn’t brave enough to face him.

“Are you even listening to me?!” Abe said loudly, letting go of me finally and instead grabbing my shoulders and shaking me slightly. I found myself looking at his face and… he didn’t look mad at all. _Why was he yelling at me, then?_

“A-A-Abe-kun… m-mad…” I stuttered, unable to say anything more, not even when he took his hands off my shoulder and let them fall into his lap.

“I’m not mad, okay?!” He said just as loudly as before, but somehow I believed him. “I just can’t believe you! How careless can you be?!” He was ranting again, but I was still confused.

“A-Aren’t you… mad… ‘cause… m-message?” I stuttered, shifting away from him a little bit and pressing my fingertips together.

“What? What are you-? Wait… What! No, of course not!” He said, and this time he wasn’t all that loud. His voice was full of something else other than irritation or… worry, I realized. That’s what made him so loud. Now, he sounded… confused?

“Y-You’re… n-not…?” I asked, looking at him again. _Well, if Abe-kun isn’t mad…_

“I told you to tell me when you figured it out, didn’t I?” Abe-kun asked, the corner of his lips upturning a bit and- was he smiling??

“Y-Yes… but…”

“I wanted to know for sure that you liked me before I said anything. That’s _why_ I said that. I wasn’t mad at you at all,” Abe-kun explained. _That… made a little bit of sense…_

“S-Said…?” I questioned. _What did he have to say to me?_

“Look," he sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking at the ground in between us before glancing back up at me. “I don’t know how I feel about you.” _O-Oh…_  “I’ve never felt that way towards anyone before, so I can’t tell if it is or it isn’t.” _What?_ “But I still do like you as a person and… I’m willing to try if you are.”

_He’s never liked anyone before… I’m the first one… I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but… he said he wanted to try…_

“Y-Yeah!” I said, unable to hide the smile on my face. Abe-kun was smiling too.

“Good," he said, standing up and holding out his hand. I took it timidly, and he pulled me to my feet. “C’mon, we should get- _You still need to change and we’re going to be late_!” He exclaimed, letting go of my hand in lieu of smacking his forehead.

“C-C’mon!” I said, running back to the clubroom. Abe-kun followed me.

* * *

“Why were you guys late?”

“How did it go?”

“What took you so long?”

“ARE YOU GUYS DATING YET?”

“TAJIMA SHUT THE HELL UP!”

“S-Sorry... for being l-late…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S: Abe and Mizutani are talking about fantasies in the beginning of the chapter XD
> 
> OH MY GOODNESS THIS WHOLE THING IS SO EMBARRASSING. CURSE THESE DORKS!! (actually just kidding, they deserve alll the hugs)  
> okay!! thank you for reading this! I hope it wasn't too OOC! Please Review!  
> Have an amazing day, stay safe, and I love you!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please Review!


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